Communication and Relationships
Today we're tackling the big one: ADHD and relationships. Whether it's family, friends, romance, or work, navigating interpersonal dynamics with an ADHD brain can be a wild ride. We're talking missed social cues, impulsive outbursts, and the constant fear of letting people down. It's like trying to play Settlers of Catan - but it seems like you’re the only one who doesn’t know the rules.
Today we're tackling the big one: ADHD and relationships.
Whether it's family, friends, romance, or work, navigating interpersonal dynamics with an ADHD brain can be a wild ride. We're talking missed social cues, impulsive outbursts, and the constant fear of letting people down. It's like trying to play Settlers of Catan - but it seems like you’re the only one who doesn’t know the rules.
At the heart of many ADHD relationship struggles is the shame cycle. You know, that nagging voice in your head that says you're not good enough, you'll never get it right, and everyone is secretly annoyed by you. It's a vicious loop of negative self-talk and self-doubt that can make it hard to show up authentically in relationships.
Enter masking: the art of hiding your neurodivergent quirks and trying to pass as "normal." Maybe you've spent years perfecting your "I'm totally listening" face while secretly daydreaming about both medieval cat paintings & how cool Jeff Goldblum is at the same time. Or you've become a master at cracking jokes to deflect from your struggles. Masking can be a survival skill in a world that doesn't always get us neurodivergent folks, but it can also be exhausting and isolating.
The problem is, when we're constantly trying to be someone we're not, it's hard to build genuine connections. We might avoid difficult conversations, bottle up our feelings, or lash out in frustration. Cue the misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and strained relationships.
But here's the thing: having ADHD doesn't doom you to a lifetime of relationship drama. With a little self-awareness, communication, and support, you can absolutely thrive in your connections.
Here are some tips:
- Embrace radical honesty. Where it’s safe to do so, be upfront about your ADHD and how it affects you. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation that can help people understand and empathize.
- Practice active listening. Put down the phone, make eye contact, and reflect back what you're hearing. It shows you care and helps you stay engaged.
- Set realistic expectations. You might not always be the most punctual or detail-oriented partner, and that's okay. Focus on your strengths and find ways to collaborate.
- Apologize when you mess up. Because let's be real, you will. Own your mistakes, make amends, and try to do better next time.
- Seek out ADHD-friendly partners and friends. Surround yourself with people who accept and appreciate you, quirks and all. Bonus points if they're down to be your body double!
Above all, remember that your ADHD is just one part of who you are. You have so much to offer in relationships - creativity, spontaneity, empathy, and a killer sense of humor (if I do say so myself). Don't let shame or masking hold you back from authentic connection.
Tomorrow we'll wrap up this series with a big-picture look at ADHD management. And I've got a super helpful tool up my sleeve that I think you're gonna love.
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/valentines-day-showing-love
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/adhd-love-languages-part-two
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/10-ways-relationships
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/10-ways-shimmer-and-agape-collab
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/adhd-relationship-challenges
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/partner-doesnt-understand-my-adhd
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/adhd-asking-for-help
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/adhd-relationship-anxiety
https://www.shimmer.care/blog/how-to-handle-feedback-at-work
