Catch the highlights from our inspiring Neurodivergent Pride Panel! This event united neurodivergent voices from the LGBTQ+ community, sharing powerful narratives of their unique challenges, triumphs, and the intersections of their identities.

Join us in this engaging discussion to understand more about the experiences of LGBTQ+ neurodivergent individuals and how we can all contribute to a more inclusive society.

Featured panelists:

Eric Tivers LCSW, ADHD-CCSP (he/him)
Bi-sexual/Queer | ADHD

Eric specializes in facilitating intensive online coaching and accountability groups. He's also the host of the popular ADHD reWired Podcast. As a proud member of the queer/bisexual community, Eric fosters an inclusive environment in his coaching, emphasizing the importance of embracing one's identity.

Vida Carey, M.Ed. (she/her)
Pansexual | AuDHD

Vida is an AuDHD Coach whose candid real-talk approach speaks to those of us who struggle reading between the lines. Through humor, empathy, and experience she loves to help start conversations that people are afraid to have. She is a proud member of the LGBTQIA+ and Kink communities.

​Nathan James (he/him they/them)
Bisexual | Autism & ADHD

Nathan James is a content creator that talks about what it's like being bisexual, neurodivergent, and sober from the perspective of a person of color. He is passionate about creating a space for educating, advocating, and celebrating the journeys of the queer community, BIPOC individuals, those navigating neurodivergence, mental health, and the sober community.

Moderating host:
Christal Wang, ACC—in progress, MBA/MPH—on pause (she/her)
Pansexual | ADHD

Chris (Christal) Wang is the co-founder & CEO of Shimmer. Chris strongly believes in using business as a force for good, and her work at Shimmer has been recognized by Forbes 30 Under 30 and Inc. Female Founders. She is deeply invested in advocating for and supporting various communities she’s a part of, including LGBTQ+, AAPI, women, and neurodiverse.

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​This event is a collaboration co-hosted by:

​​Shimmer is an ADHD coaching platform and community dedicated to supporting neurodivergent adults in reaching their full potential.

​ADHD reWired — Celebrating 10 years of podcasting and award-winning Coaching and Accountability Groups

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Special callout:

‍ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability Groups
‍Summer Sessions Start July 11-Sept 20 - Registration Going on now

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Resources and Links

• ADHD reWired Podcast & Coaching: Eric Tivers' award-winning podcast celebrating its 10th anniversary, featuring in-depth conversations about living well with ADHD. The website also offers ADHD coaching and accountability groups.
• Shimmer ADHD Coaching: An expert ADHD coaching platform founded by Chris Wang, offering 1:1 coaching sessions, body doubling, learning modules, and accountability tools. Shimmer's coaches have facilitated over 25,000 sessions to date.
• "Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto" Book: Zachary Zane's powerful memoir exploring his journey as a bisexual man, delving into topics of sexuality, masculinity, and self-discovery.
• Nate's Dreamy Life Instagram: Nate's beautifully curated Instagram account documenting his experiences and insights as a Black, queer, neurodivergent creator and advocate for mental health and sobriety.
• The Neurodivergent Teacher Instagram: Vida Carey's Instagram account sharing her perspective and strategies as a late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD coach, creator, and teacher.
• Sex Symbol Podcast: Vida Carey's raw, unfiltered podcast tackling topics related to sexuality, relationships, and mental health with a mix of humor and candid storytelling.
• ADHD Christal Instagram: Christal's brand new recently launched Instagram account to share her personal experiences and insights as an ADHD advocate. Follow along as she builds community and creates engaging content exploring the intersection of neurodiversity, queerness, and authenticity in both life and entrepreneurship.
• ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association): A leading nonprofit offering support, resources, and advocacy for individuals with ADHD. The shared link provides a special 2-month gift membership to access their peer support groups and events.
• Sex-Positive Queer Power TedTalk: An upcoming TedTalk by a queer, neurodivergent teacher exploring the intersection of sexuality, mental health, and trauma-informed education. The provided link allows you to register for the event.
• ‍Dueling Minds: A nonprofit organization dedicated to providing resources, support, and advocacy for autistic individuals. Vida Carey serves on their board of directors, working to expand access to services and build community.

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Panel Questions

How are your queer and neurodivergent identities related?

• Vida Carey (she/her): I think that my queer and neurodivergent identities are related because the way I process information, it's like, I see the whole field. So I see people, I like people. I see the whole field. And these pieces of information about sexuality or hair color, it's just data. That's how I process coaching clients. That's how I process problems at home. It's just everything is this huge set of data, and I was thinking about it when I was answering this question. It was just like, you know, autism is a spectrum, and that's what sexuality is, too. So for me, I'm just seeing the field.
• Nathan James (he/him they/them): I feel like my neurodivergence shapes the way I see the world, and also it has helped shape my queerness. Especially with my autism, growing up, I didn't obviously fit into the normal society rules. I always questioned it. Why do things have to be male and female? Why can't people love who they love? And it was always just like, don't question those rules, and I just couldn't do it. And I always knew I'm not straight. The amount of things I look back on from when I was a kid and I am like, how did people not know I was autistic and queer?
• Eric Tivers (he/him): I think the first thing that came to mind was about masking. Being bisexual, as you're alluding to earlier, it's easier to be in a cisgender normative looking relationship. When people are assuming something about you, and that assumption couldn't be further from the truth, there's this complex heaviness that you're carrying around. Whether it was coming out completely with my ADHD - I started my podcast 10 years ago, and once that was out there, it's like, oh, can't put that cat back in the bag. I remember feeling, especially when my ADHD would show up in ways I was like, oh crap, and then the responses that people gave me to that was actually really reassuring for them, and helpful for them to see. I'm doing this thing, and also my ADHD shows up sometimes, and they liked that. I realized I wanted to let my ADHD hang out because it actually makes my brain feel way less stressed. And then my ADHD is not as impacted. I feel the more that I'm coming out and being vocal about my bisexuality, it feels very similar to that. Even earlier this week, I'm not someone that gets in Internet fights, I got in an Internet fight this week by someone that posted something that was very anti-LGBTQ on Facebook. I got so revved up about this. And I was sort of watching myself as I'm having this debate with this person, and I'm just like, oh man, this struck something in me. It's so important from both a neurodivergent perspective and a sexual identity perspective, to feel seen and understood. When there's a lacking of that, it hurts, it really hurts.
• Chris Wang (she/her): Both of these identities basically mean that I'm not the norm. I'm not what people expect. I'm not the defaults. So I think for me, it's been a lot of needing to create or discover my own rules, and then advocate for them and explain them to people. It's kind of a lot of work, a lot of communication. I've needed to get really good at communicating. With some people, maybe online or someone I don't like, it's not worth it. But for a lot of people, it's really worth it. So I put in a lot of effort because I want them to understand where I'm coming from, and I know that I can't expect them to just understand like that, because it's years and years of conditioning that they've had, that something is the norm. When I was younger, before I knew how to teach, and before I came out as queer, my friends used to always say, with love, that oh, it's Chris logic. Chris logic is here again. I would have my own logic, and I felt really bad about it. But I think it's taken confidence and awareness in myself to be like yes, it's Chris logic. It's not necessarily negative. It's just as valid as your point of view, and let's talk about it and come to something in between. But I think it really is how these two non-normal identities, these non-typical identities, come together - essentially needing to advocate, communicate, advocate and communicate.

How have neurotypical and heteronormative expectations impacted you?

• Nathan James (he/him they/them): It definitely felt like pressure pushing me down. As a black man I already faced stereotypes, adding queerness and being neurodivergent to the mix just added more complexity to it. Often I was just left feeling unseen and invalidated in both identities. It really forced me to hide my true self, hide my queerness, hide my neurodivergence, masking to the max just to appear normal. I feel like it just made me feel isolated and exhausted all the time, and it did not really have a positive impact on me. I wish it did, but it didn't. I just wanted to be understood and accepted by other people, and it just never panned out.
• Eric Tivers (he/him): Growing up undiagnosed and sort of in the closet makes you have this desire to feel seen and understood that much stronger, and feel almost like this life imperative. I think that's part of why I'm feeling more vocal about both my sexual identity and my neurodivergent identity. I guess part of it is, certain things I don't care what people think, but that's always a half-truth. When someone says that, they still do care what some people think. But I don't always know what to expect out of myself as a neurodivergent person. And it's funny, too, because I'm like, can I even say that I'm autistic because I haven't had that official diagnosis yet, and I feel this impostor syndrome around that, even though every single day, there is evidence pointing to this and my therapist also thinks so. I guess it's also a little bit fun to push against known expectations, and making all the "normies" feel a little uncomfortable, in a harmless way.
• Vida Carey (she/her): High-level masking was just my entire life. I knew that there were facets of my personality that did not fit in different social situations. So it's like autistic mirroring, all these different things. Masking my neurodivergence and masking my sexuality. It was just part of the whole thing. I was just masking facets of myself. But I'm going to tell you this, especially since there's all these parents that are in here listening: Your children want to be safe, seen and heard. They don't need you to fix anything for them. They want you to make them feel safe, seen and heard. And this is where I came out. My daughter came out at 14 as bisexual, and my parents told her it was just a phase and they invalidated her experience. And I was like, you know what? Hell no. I am also bisexual, because that's how I identified at the time. I just tried to tell you, and it never happened. And then it was the same when I got my diagnosis for autism and ADHD, my mom was like, no you're not. I'm like, yes I am. Because here's the thing about neurodivergent people: We will show up for other people 150% of the time. We have trouble showing up for ourselves. So I could come out for my daughter. I could come out vocally and proudly and make sure that everyone knew. But I had a hard time coming out when it was just for me.
• Chris Wang (she/her): A lot of it for me came with the intersection of being Asian. The expectation of an Asian girl is literally the opposite of the human being that I am - hyperactive, loud, impulsive, queer, colorful, not a doctor. I don't know how else to say it, but not a doctor. So for me, that family and society pressure has always just made me feel like I need to be more quiet and more studious and just turn everything I am down 5 notches. I think that has left me with this feeling of I'm not enough. Which is, I think, an opposite problem that a lot of people have. I'm always trying to fit into this thing that I'm supposed to be. So I think that after I came out and after I got my diagnosis with ADHD, and especially because I'm so vocal about all of this because of Shimmer and because there aren't any Asian, barely any Asian role models who have ADHD or who are queer, I've forced myself to speed up this journey of becoming more me, which is a really positive thing. It's funny because some people I haven't seen in a year or two since my ADHD diagnosis, I see them again and they're just like, wow, your ADHD got a lot worse. And I'm like, you mean a lot better? It's a lot more colorful, we're reframing. But yeah, I've definitely become more myself, which is more. I think that I've been expected to be less my whole life.

How have you navigated masking your neurodivergence & queerness?

• Eric Tivers (he/him): It's been easier around the neurodivergence. In a social situation, if I'm meeting people, I'll introduce myself and just right off the bat tell people I'm gonna forget your name, and I'm gonna have to ask you an awkward number of times. So just please forgive me in advance. It's way easier because I don't just having to call everyone "hey you". I even tell people in my groups on Zoom, if you come in with a different name on your Zoom, that's going to be what I call you. So whatever your name says on Zoom, that's what I'm going to call you, and please don't quiz me on your name. It's just owning it. When we own our stuff, we also see how many people feel a sense of relief because they so relate to that as well.Then, with the queerness, it's a little different for me. My current and previous relationships that I've been in were the first relationships where my partner was also queer. After my previous relationship, I don't think I'm ever wanting to date a straight person ever again. Because even in my marriage, or even in the relationship that I had after my marriage, where she was accepting but she wasn't queer, it is such a profound difference to go from feeling accepted to feeling celebrated, and I don't want to be just accepted, I want to be celebrated. Because it's such, I want people to love me for who I am, not just the version of myself that they want me to be, because I don't want to be a version, because then I'm masking.
• Nathan James (he/him they/them): I have had to navigate my masking as a survival strategy, and it's a lot obviously being Black. When I'm having meltdowns, I can't have meltdowns in public, because I'm always scared of how other people are gonna react around me. And I'm gonna become a hashtag. I hate that's something I have to think about, but it is.Not so much with my queerness, I used to downplay my queerness a lot when I was younger, obviously because I was still figuring it out, and also because I come from a family that's Caribbean and religious. So I had to think about that. My mom did not take me coming out very well. It was not a fun time. And then I saw a family member post a very homophobic thing on Facebook last year, a month after I came out, and the chaotic bisexual and the ADHD in me decided to be impulsive and posted a picture of me in a crop top in our family group chat and say "Happy Pride". So I did that for one second, and my mom was not happy about it. But I was like, hey.But yeah, it's mostly been a survival strategy for me. There's so much I have to think about, so much I have to counteract with stereotypes and implicit bias, which is, I hate saying that. But I constantly feel like I have to prove my worth, and find a balance to protect my wellbeing.
• Vida Carey (she/her): Yeah, it's funny. I don't mask anymore. I just, I'm just myself. And there are levels of myself which I've had conversations with people, they're like, well, it's masking. And I'm like, no, no, because me, 100% me is a little overpowering to some people. I live in a neurodivergent household. My kids are neurodivergent. My husband is neurodivergent. So there are times where me, 100% wide open, overwhelms people depending on where they're at for the day, like how many spoons do they have for the day? I may need to dial that back, so I don't feel like that is masking. That's me accommodating my fellow man.But at the CHADD Conference last year, I don't mask, and what I do try to do is I just lean into my weird, into my quirkiness, into myself. If people are afraid to unmask, if people are afraid to come out, if people are afraid to come out as neurodivergent, I want to be the weird girl in the crowd. It's like, well, if she can do it, I can do it. And I'm gonna go stand by her, and then we can be weird together. So it's kind of like the deal that I do for my kids. I may not feel super great in a bikini at the beach, but I don't want my kids to have body issues. So I'm gonna rock it, mom bod and all. And that's like me, I'm gonna rock my neurodivergence and my queerness in everything, so that my kids know that it's safe to be them.

How do you know when it's safe to come out (again and again) and when do you do so?

• Nathan James (he/him they/them): I kind of look to see if the environment's inclusive or if they're having supportive language. With my last job, I worked for an education nonprofit that was very big into diversity and inclusion, always having initiatives for queer people. But anything for neurodivergent people was lacking. So when I got my ADHD diagnosis, I didn't wanna really say anything about it, because I wasn't sure how they would react to that, because I had a lot of trouble focusing with work. And then when I got my autism diagnosis last year, I really didn't want to say anything, but I ended up saying something to my boss. And next thing I know, I got laid off the following two months. So I was like, okay, this is not a safe environment, even though they put out this whole front that it is.And that breaks my trust. I never know if it's really safe to come out. But as far as queerness, I'm very careful with that as well. I'm very open about being bisexual on my social media and talking about it. But there are certain places where I know I have to not show that weird because it could be dangerous. And it sucks because that means I'm not being my authentic self, but I can't be my authentic self without risking my safety.
• Eric Tivers (he/him): It's a really challenging question, because I feel like it's always evolving. And it's so interesting, too. I remember, it was about two years ago, when I came out on my podcast. And then, you know, with politics - and I think it's hard to not get into politics when we're talking about queer pride and neurodivergent pride - and I just remember thinking and hearing these different news stories in different states basically trying to pass laws that are anti-gay. And it's like, as soon as I came out, I was having second thoughts. Was this not a smart idea? I was even thinking about, did I just put my family at risk? So it definitely was something that I still kind of wrestle with.At least we sort of think about the differences between psychological safety versus our physical safety, because I think psychological safety, it almost feels safer to come out. But then I feel, is there then risk on my physical safety? I don't know. Even today, about 15 minutes before I logged on, I got an angry email basically saying "Please take me off your email list. I don't want smut like this." And so I immediately responded and unsubscribed her and said "done". So it's just sad to me that there's still people who think who we are is wrong. So yeah, I don't always have the answer with this kind of question. I am still exploring that. I don't always know. I think about it from a personal standpoint. I think about it from even a business standpoint. Are people not gonna want to work with me if they know that I'm queer? So I think that on one hand, then, on the other hand, well, if they wouldn't want to work with me because I was queer, I wouldn't want to work with them anyways, but it also makes me sad that there are people who are like that.

• Chris Wang (she/her): For me, when I came out at Bain, because I was excited for the party and it was celebrated, I just loved that so much. I think that's essentially what I'm trying to create around me with Shimmer, and with everything that I do, that other people can also be able to be proud of their queerness, their neurodivergence, whatever else that they want to be proud of, because I think I just had it with being in other situations where I wasn't able to. So luckily, now, in most of the situations I'm in, I don't need to think too hard about it, because those spaces have been, I mean, I think we recently counted 68% of our team is neurodivergent. So we've almost over-corrected in the other direction. But with coming out as queer, the one space where I still do not say it, almost ever, is with my family. Especially the older ones, like my grandparents. I will never tell them, and they will never know. And it is just how it needs to be. There's certain people or communities where I feel like it might be a bit too far gone.