Let’s face it. Adult ADHD makes organization, time management, emotional regulation, and a slew of other things so much harder. ADHD can also make traditional self-care routines unsustainable and even ineffective.
How frustrating, right?
When the things that are supposed to help you feel relaxed and cared for actually make you feel inadequate or overwhelmed.
Having a neurospicy brain often means finding a workaround for the things neurotypicals take for granted, and self-care is no exception. Instead of forcing yourself into self-care methods that are one-size-fits-all, find strategies that align with your ADHD brain.
❤️ How can you use love languages for self care with ADHD?
The five love languages, developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, describe the ways people give and receive love. While love languages are typically used to improve relationships with others, you can also use them to improve your relationship with yourself.
Self-love for adults with ADHD is about meeting yourself where you are and honoring your unique needs.
You can learn more about ADHD-specific love languages here.
🗣️ Words of affirmation
You’re probably used to negative messaging, but you know what? You are your own worst critic. Replacing this inner criticism with compassionate and affirming language is an act of self-care.
Would you criticize a friend for getting overstimulated or struggling to brush their teeth?
Of course not. So why do it to yourself?
The neurotypical world does a good job of making you feel guilty for thinking differently; don’t give it a leg up!
Using words to love your ADHD self
Start each day with an affirmation
- I am not lazy; my brain just works differently, and that’s okay.
- I am worthy of love and kindness, especially from myself.
- Progress, not perfection, is my goal, and I am doing my best.
- I am enough exactly as I am, and I embrace my journey.
- I am patient with myself as I navigate life’s challenges.
Reflect on the positives
- What is one thing I accomplished today, no matter how small?
- How has my ADHD made me more creative or resourceful?
- What is something I love about the way my brain works?
- How can I show myself more kindness and patience this week?
- What’s one way I can celebrate my progress today?
Reframe your negative thoughts
- What would I say to a friend if they were feeling this way?
- Am I expecting perfection from myself? What would “good enough” look like?
- Have I overcome similar challenges before? How did I do it?
- Is this thought based on facts?
- What evidence do I have that things are not as bad as they seem?
⭐ Acts of service
Show up for yourself. It’s easier said than done. But following through on your promises is a profound act of self-respect.
- Break tasks up: Nothing turns off an ADHD brain quite like a giant project. Breaking big tasks into manageable chunks can help you get through your to-do list and stick to your goals.
- Reward yourself: Rewarding yourself is an act of service (and self-care) because it reinforces positive behavior and helps with motivation. ADHD brains thrive on dopamine-driven rewards, and treating yourself after completing a task is a way of showing up for yourself — just like you would for a friend or loved one.
- Hire help: Hiring help, working with an ADHD coach, or using a body-doubling service acknowledges your needs, reduces shame, and creates systems of support that help you thrive. If that isn’t a radical act of self-love and self-care, then I don’t know what is!
🎁 Gifts
Giving yourself gifts is like saying, “I see you, I appreciate you, and I want to take care of you.” Pretty radical, right?
When you thoughtfully give yourself tools and rewards that support your unique systems, you create an environment of abundance and set yourself up to thrive.
- Motivation and encouragement. Rewarding yourself with a thoughtful gift after completing a task or reaching a goal transforms progress into something exciting, making it easier to stay motivated and build positive habits.
- Decision fatigue and productivity. Giving yourself the right tools — like noise-canceling headphones, a planner that actually works for you, or even a meal delivery service — can take a lot of stress off your plate and make everyday life less overwhelming.
- Celebrate progress. ADHD can make it feel like you’re always playing catch-up or not doing enough. Treating yourself to a small gift is a way to celebrate your progress and remind yourself of how much you’ve already accomplished.
⏳ Quality time
ADHD can make it challenging to focus or feel grounded, so setting aside intentional time for yourself is essential for self-care. It’s about finding activities that help you recharge or align with your unique needs.
- Hyperfocus activities. Make time for the activities you often hyperfixate on. When you set aside a chunk of time for the things you love, you can kiss the guilt goodbye.
- Say “no.” Give yourself permission to say “no” to the situations that stress you out. You don’t have to agree to things that negatively impact your mental health to keep other people happy. You can also offer an alternative that works with your neurospicy experience.
- Digital detox. It’s easy to get sucked into the dopamine rush of doomscrolling. Skip screens and focus on activities like reading, crafting, or cooking. It’s a great way to reconnect with your body and mind without the overwhelming distractions of social media or emails.
🧡 Physical touch
Self-care activities that involve touch can help you regulate and tune into your body’s needs.
- Massage. Foam rollers, massage balls, or even a weighted blanket can be just the self-care you need at the end of a busy day. You can even spoil yourself with a deep pressure massage after an especially stressful or overstimulating time.
- Clothing. Wearing clothes that feel good on your skin, like soft cotton or cozy knits, can make a huge difference. When you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing, it’s easier to relax and avoid feeling irritable.
- Gentle stretching. Simple yoga or stretching exercises can help release built-up tension, plus they’re a good time to check in with your body.
Learning to love yourself
Incorporating love languages into self-care is a powerful way to nurture yourself in ways that truly resonate. Self-love isn’t about perfection, it’s about honoring what works for you and prioritizing your well-being in a way that feels right.
ADHD coaching can be an amazing resource to add to your self-care routine. ADHD and relationships, including the one with yourself, can be challenging and having the right support can make all the difference.
