The exploration of one’s gender identity is a deeply personal journey.
Many individuals who embark on this long and complicated journey experience feelings of discomfort and dissatisfaction with their biological sex, socially assigned gender identity, or both. This phenomenon is known as gender dysphoria.
But, for individuals living in the intersection of two stigmatized identities - queer and neurodivergent - the road to self-acceptance is even harder. “Neuroqueer” individuals are prone to experiencing the pressures of both ableism and homophobia, making the healing journey feel impossible.
Understanding how living with ADHD may impact one's gender identity and exploration is crucial for fostering compassion, support, and access to gender-affirming care for those who are neurodivergent and gender nonconforming.
What is Gender Dysphoria?
Gender dysphoria is defined as the discomfort experienced by individuals due to a disconnect between their biological sex and their gender identity, which forms the foundation of their self-perception and self-description.
Many individuals grappling with gender dysphoria possess a profound desire to lead a life that aligns with their true gender identity. To achieve this alignment, they may choose to modify their appearance and behavior. For some individuals dealing with gender dysphoria, the pursuit of hormonal treatment or even surgery might be considered as a means to express their gender identity.
Gender Dysphoria Symptoms
Individuals with gender dysphoria may exhibit various signs of discomfort, including low self-esteem, social withdrawal, depression, anxiety, risk-taking behavior, and self-neglect. These signs highlight the emotional toll that gender dysphoria can take on an individual's well-being.
The Link Between ADHD and Gender Dysphoria
ADHD advocate and certified sex educator, Cate Osborn, describes the link as:
People who have ADHD often experience social rejection, bullying, and criticism from both their peers and the authority figures in their lives. Because of this, many people with ADHD begin to perceive the world differently and come to realize that many of the expectations placed on them are arbitrary.
They can tend to reject these rules in service of their own systems and behaviors that better support them and cater to their needs. For some people with ADHD, this includes the way they navigate and present their gender.
Coach Noelle’s Strategies to Navigate Gender Dysphoria
- ADHDers tend to be more creative than your average bear. Use this to your advantage by finding unique ways to affirm your gender identity. Whether that’s expressing yourself through art, writing, or music, or using creative problem-solving to discover new makeup or clothing hacks, your brain is a handy tool!
- Mindfulness meditation is a great way to relieve stress, and it’s also incredibly helpful for ADHD (when practiced regularly). But sometimes, one of the most commonly-suggested techniques - the body scan - can cause more distress than relief. Instead of focusing directly on your body, focus on where your body touches different surfaces, or the air. Pay attention to different textures, temperatures, etc.
- ADHDers tend to have a tricky relationship with memory, so it can be hard to remember the times you felt good about your body. Any time you notice something about your body that you do like, no matter how small - whether that’s a good hair day, or the way you look in a new outfit, etc - take a snapshot and save it to a gender euphoria album. Next time you’re feeling especially dysphoric, pull up your album and spend some time smiling at those pics.
Cool resources and events to check out this month
How ADHD Coaching Helps
ADHD coaching can play a valuable role in helping individuals with ADHD navigate gender dysphoria. Shimmer’s online ADHD coaches provide support and guidance with:
- Emotional Regulation: ADHD coaching often includes strategies for emotional regulation, which can be especially important when dealing with the emotional challenges of gender dysphoria. Coaches help individuals with ADHD identify and implement coping skills to manage the intense emotions that may arise during their journey of gender exploration.
- ADHD Management: Managing ADHD symptoms is crucial for maintaining focus, organization, and consistency. ADHD coaches work with clients to develop personalized strategies and routines that help them stay on track with their goals, including goals around managing gender dysphoria.
- Coping Skills for ADHD: ADHD coaching emphasizes the development of coping skills tailored to the individual's unique challenges. This can be particularly beneficial for managing the stress and anxiety often associated with gender dysphoria. Coaches teach clients how to cope with these emotions in healthy and effective ways.
- Setting and Achieving Goals: ADHD coaching involves setting clear, achievable goals. In the context of gender dysphoria, this may include setting milestones for various aspects of the journey, such as name and pronoun changes, medical procedures, or social adjustments, if applicable. Coaches help clients break down these goals into manageable steps.
- Creating Supportive Systems: Coaches work with individuals to create support systems that include friends, family, healthcare professionals, and, when necessary, therapists who specialize in gender dysphoria. If the client desires to transition, having a strong support network is crucial for navigating the emotional and logistical aspects involved.
- Online ADHD Care: Many ADHD coaching services offer online support, making it accessible to individuals regardless of their location. This can be especially helpful for those seeking assistance with gender dysphoria in regions with limited local resources.
- Finding an ADHD Coach Near Me: ADHD coaches are available in various regions, and individuals can search for coaches near them or choose online coaching if local options are limited. Having a coach nearby can provide in-person support, while online coaching offers flexibility.
- Intersectional Approach: Gender dysphoria often intersects with other aspects of a person's identity, such as race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. ADHD coaches who understand the importance of an intersectional approach can help clients navigate these complexities effectively.
Moving Forward With ADHD and Gender Dysphoria
The relationship between ADHD and gender dysphoria is complex, but with the right strategies and support, neuroqueer individuals can navigate this intersection with resilience and self-acceptance. Embracing creativity, practicing mindfulness, and building a repository of positive experiences can all contribute to a more empowering journey toward self-discovery and self-love.
Most importantly, remember that you are not alone in this journey. There is support available to help you along the way. ADHD coaching can complement the support individuals with ADHD receive during their gender exploration journey. It provides strategies for managing ADHD symptoms, developing coping skills, setting and achieving goals, and creating a supportive network—all of which contribute to discovering a more successful and fulfilled you.